I am sorry dear self, I write this message to you from the future. Obviously you don’t believe that this is you from the future. You don’t think that you from the future would write in this clumsy style, overusing commas, making really long sentences that can be hard to understand and often require the reader to go back to the starting of the sentence and think how was this even broken up and hope that their thoughts about the sentences aren’t represented without quotes. But it is you, me. I am you from the future and I want to apologise for what I did.
You see the future is how you imagine it. Our phones are pretty great, there are no aliens around to speak of. We scoured the universe and turns out that we’re the only intelligent life around. I know right? Bummer. There was after that the question of us being a simulation of an intelligent life form, but that also has a disappointing conclusion. We are a simulation run by beings exactly like us to see what would happen if another on type of civilisation like them was alive. The problem with their simulation is that it takes place in real time, so one year for us is one year for them and the people who have started the simulation are long since dead. We’re just a program running on someone’s computer that everyone forgot about and anyone can switch off accidentally, causing our life and our universe to come to an end. But existential questions aside, I have an apology to dispense.
I apologise for second guessing myself. The person who you are in the past is the person you become in the future. Moving on from this obvious point, what I’m really trying to say is that who you project that you will be is often the person you end up becoming. This is not because of the power of positive thinking, it is a flaw in the simulation. Someone had naively coded in the over world that handles our simulation, that if you believe, then you can achieve (they’ve pinned this on poor exception handling in the code). If I had known this in the past, I guess my present (your future) could’ve turned out differently. It didn’t have to be this way.
I am hugely successful, just saying. Like, don’t sweat that. The regret here is that I am not more hugely successful than I already am and you will be. I always believed that I would be successful, with a villa and a mansion and other expensive things and also widespread fame but I deeply regret that this wasn’t more so. I am very much being ungrateful, that’s not up for debate here. Once you realise that there isn’t anything to our world and that we’re an experiment, you start looking for ways to maximise our existence here. For me that is a bigger mansion with two lakes on my property instead of one. This brings me to why I write this letter to you.
You need to stop second guessing yourself. If you stop, I get a bigger house now, and you get a bigger house later. Why would you think that you’re incapable of the best thing that there is? Why would you think that you are incapable at any point? Why would you suddenly worry that other people were better than you? This is a computer simulation you idiot! Worrying about what other people think, fearing failure and keeping that fear from preventing you from accomplishing things or publishing work are all things that are stopping me from having two lakes on my property!
Can you stop being so selfish you fucking asshole? You know what one can do with one lake? Not much! Once you’ve been through the lake then what? What of the huge parties I throw? Do you know how embarrassing it is to not have enough place in your lake for all 600 of your guests, do you know what it’s like having to do your boat races in batches? No, you didn’t think of that did you? You sat and thought about every word that you wrote and thought that other people might do a better job. You got worried about criticism and began to stop creating just because if you don’t try then you can’t fail. You are an asshole person. I want a lake you asshole person.
I expect you to stop immediately. Don’t second guess yourself like I did and end up with a massive mansion with one lake and only a smattering of dungeons for your slaves.
Oh yes slavery is very much back in the future. That much was an inevitability, I don’t know how you didn’t see it coming. There was a huge uprising, or will be, from your point of view and the world was turned on its head, blah blah. I don’t give a shit about that. I want you to stop being a simpering pool of excuses and anxiety slithering around on the floor. I’m not trying to be preachy. I want to encourage you only because I want a better life for myself. Life will go on way longer than you think so you need to figure out how to live properly because they really fix medicine.
I am going to stand outside my house right now and stare and my lake and wait for it to become two lakes. If this does not happen in the next half an hour, expect an angry letter. If it still doesn’t happen after that, then expect a visit from a time traveller.
P.S. You’re probably wondering if you get married and what’s the scene with that. You get me the lake, I’ll tell you about the chicks. Yeah we’re allowed to say chicks again in the future, it’s become a term of empowerment. Also gender has become way more fluid than you know in your time. Anyway this is still one lake, so I’m going to stop typing and wait for you to get to work.